Watching The Sun Explode
by FallenTeenHearts
Summary: "But she's real. So real that it hurts. So real that people rather cast her out because they can't bare to see what truly lies inside each and every one of us." Beck muses on why he loves Jade.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Victorious or any of the characters mentioned below.

**Warnings:** Mild language and sexual themes.

**A/N:** I have never written for this show before so please excuse any rawness towards characters or themes. My brother recently introduced me to Victorious and after the first eight episodes this idea basically dominated my brain. I haven't written in god knows how long so my grammar is definitely rusty.

Watching The Sun Explode

People think my girlfriend is a bitch. And I get that, I really do. She's every thing and more synonymous with the word bitch. She's cruel and often heartless but it doesn't make her any less beautiful or brilliant, in fact it makes her more so. There is just something so honest and free in the way she brings people down that it makes me want to smile every fucking time she turns to her next victim and starts to count to three.

Everyone asks how I can remain so calm. So collected amidst the chaos of my friends and the way too often occurrence of my girlfriend's raging hormones. I love being asked this because the answer is so simple. It's her. As far back as I can remember it's always been her. Her scent, her laugh, her biting sarcasm, it's all there to remind me that there is more to life than grades and acting and high school. I have her and it's all I need to keep calm. All I need to remember that I have something greater just within my grasp. Something to keep me anchored to keep me pushing till we've forced ourselves past the boundaries society has set before us.

There is nothing more breathtaking than honesty and insecurity tied up into one perfect little package. We live in a scary world full of scary people. Shit happens to us everyday and we're expected to just take it with our heads held high because that's life. So I don't take clinginess as her staking her claim, I take it as her telling me that she's there for me and would I please be there for her too. Because no one likes someone that beats around the bush, everyone needs to learn that it's okay just to ask. Most of the time the answer will be yes.

Sure Jade's smart and witty and so fucking beautiful but she's intoxicating as well. Like a readily building high or an addiction her aura keeps me fixated, on her smirk, on her eyes. Drawing me in like a moth to a candle. Burning desire that just builds and builds that I have to throw her up against a wall till she's begging and pleading for me to kiss her. And when our lips touch it's the gentlest of touches till the need to drink her in fills me up so high that I swear my hearts exploding against her chest and I need to remember to breath or I might just pass out from need.

We fight more than we fuck. But in a relationship like ours fighting and fucking go so hand in hand that I'd willingly give up a fuck any night just to hear her angry ranting voice. Don't get me wrong fucking Jade is like fucking heaven and god the things she can do sometimes are unnatural. But seeing her in a fiery rage gives me a feeling so close to freedom I swear I can almost taste it. It's a taste so dark and satisfying that I've grown to crave it more than any three second orgasm.

She may be a bitch. But she's so much more than that so much more than I deserve, than anyone at our high school deserves.

Because she's Jade West and she is talented so god fucking talented…

Talent like Tori's is replaceable almost textbook perfect. The students, the teachers, the parents, they all just like her because she's fresh meat. Because she's something new for them to polish and shine up so bright they can say that they could make the normal into the extraordinary. The thing with my girl is she doesn't need polishing; she basks in the dull glow of pain. Jade's talent is raw and abrasive. It's something you can only take in small doses because watching her act is like watching the sun explode.

Sometimes when it's just me and her hand in hand in my RV she turns to look at me with those sad dark eyes and I swear that she shines so fucking bright that it hurts to look at her. And I just know that no matter what people may call her and no matter how many times we may fight that she's the one for me and I'm the one for her. Because no one understands her like I do and no one will ever peel through my layers like she has to understand me. In the end isn't that all that we want in this world to be understood and loved no matter how fucked up our insides can get?

People wonder how I put up with it. Girls always tell me that I can do better, that they won't be clingy or possessive, that I wouldn't have to take care of them; they can take care of me. But I wouldn't trade anything in the world for the way Jade's face lights up when she knows that I'm hers and hers alone. Because she's mine and even though I might not tell her that often I love her and god it would kill me to see someone else basking in my sunshine.

When it comes down to it she's still a bitch. She's still controlling, manipulative, aggressive, and needy. But she's real. So real that it hurts. So real that people rather cast her out because they can't bear to see what lies inside each and every one of them. She knows what she is and embraces it, a flawed being that's proud of being exactly just that. My little antagonist to perfection.

My Jade and mine alone.

Forever and Always.


End file.
